I love my children so very much. There, I've said it, and not for the first time. Being a parent is so hard and you only get one go at trying to get it right and a lot of the time you're making it up as you go along - reacting, not planning. Trouble is you don't know til way down the line (if ever) whether it could have been better.
I've accepted now that I'm a pushy parent. I used to tell myself that I just wanted my children to be happy and healthy in life. Looking back (& probably at the time) I wanted them to be stretched, to be more than they could be, have a good work ethic, be clever & smart. Thankfully they seem clever, funny and successful in finding their way in life. Fingers crossed that continues.
M has had a good career and has made the brave decision to take a year off to do some volunteering abroad - especially using Spanish. He's currently in Bolivia. Good for him.
K is a few months younger and still burning the candle at both ends with work and social life in London. Friends spread far and wide so she's constantly travelling or attending weddings (symptom of late 20s these days - continual hen parties & weddings)
Now R & I are retired but not yet old our children's lives seem so tiring but it's easy to forget that our lives were full at their age too.
I live each day in gratitude for my Mum, my husband & children
Monday, 1 August 2016
Sunday, 10 October 2010
What's on my mind today
Anomaly
Why do people say
Live life to the full - live each day like it is your last
but
Slow down and take time to appreciate the world around you
Personal memory;
Last week I went to a service of remembrance for any person who has died that you want to remember and celebrate their life. The intention was for those bereaved relatives whose loved one has died more than six months previously so that the initial stage of raw grief and loss is over and a more reasoned perspective is achieved and happier memories are recalled and shared.
It seems a loving and sensible idea but for me, not so. My father died in such agony and sad circumstances and I was with him for several weeks of this suffering that I cannot get over this, even now, almost four years later. I have no memory of happier times with my father who suffered for over twenty years before he actually died and even then did not realise that his demise was near. Right up to the final couple of days I still think he believed he would recover enough to go home. The hospital staff were very caring and helpful and supportive but I don't think they were honest with me (or maybe they didn't realise I wasn't at the same stage as them in their care for him).
I want to remember happy family times, when Dad could walk upright without assistance, when he could drive. In my childhood when he took us for days out, when he worked in the fields, at mealtimes, in the evenings when we had social card game nights with friends. Although I have hazy memories of these times Dad is a blur, I cannot recall him and I still feel grief about this. He was a wonderful man with a marvellous sense of humour despite his suffering and didn't deserve an end like that.
Furthermore I feel a lot of guilt in that I didn't take more time to create a more fitting eulogy for him at his funeral. We told the minister the bare factual details and let him make up the eulogy from this information and his own personal knowledge of Dad. Not enough. I am going to do that in the coming weeks and write it here. I adored my Dad RIP xx
Why do people say
Live life to the full - live each day like it is your last
but
Slow down and take time to appreciate the world around you
Personal memory;
Last week I went to a service of remembrance for any person who has died that you want to remember and celebrate their life. The intention was for those bereaved relatives whose loved one has died more than six months previously so that the initial stage of raw grief and loss is over and a more reasoned perspective is achieved and happier memories are recalled and shared.
It seems a loving and sensible idea but for me, not so. My father died in such agony and sad circumstances and I was with him for several weeks of this suffering that I cannot get over this, even now, almost four years later. I have no memory of happier times with my father who suffered for over twenty years before he actually died and even then did not realise that his demise was near. Right up to the final couple of days I still think he believed he would recover enough to go home. The hospital staff were very caring and helpful and supportive but I don't think they were honest with me (or maybe they didn't realise I wasn't at the same stage as them in their care for him).
I want to remember happy family times, when Dad could walk upright without assistance, when he could drive. In my childhood when he took us for days out, when he worked in the fields, at mealtimes, in the evenings when we had social card game nights with friends. Although I have hazy memories of these times Dad is a blur, I cannot recall him and I still feel grief about this. He was a wonderful man with a marvellous sense of humour despite his suffering and didn't deserve an end like that.
Furthermore I feel a lot of guilt in that I didn't take more time to create a more fitting eulogy for him at his funeral. We told the minister the bare factual details and let him make up the eulogy from this information and his own personal knowledge of Dad. Not enough. I am going to do that in the coming weeks and write it here. I adored my Dad RIP xx
Men Rules
The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules"
From the female side....
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1.. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle..
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football
or Hockey.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh
Wednesday, 18 August 2010
The agonies of a parent with a child/adult abroad
I am writing this now whilst the immediate anguish and raw fear has passed but other mixed emotions remain – so I can relive this episode.
Monday 26 July was an ordinary day for R & I and we had adjusted to the ‘empty nest’ syndrome following our son moving to London for work and our daughter K setting off on a year long trip abroad. K intended to spend several weeks with a friend, E, travelling around Asia and part of Australia, making new friends and meeting up with old ones friends along the way.
In preparation for her sojourn K had been working very long hours in an office in rural Yorkshire to earn her spending money to sustain her until she settled in Australia, intending to find work there. Consequently planning for her trip was haphazard and she didn’t leave enough time to obtain a travel credit card as a convenient way of topping up funds during the trip. Consequently she decided to take her current account debit card, with another current account card for an HSBC account which, although open, had no funds in it.
On Tuesday 8 June K set off from Manchester Airport in high spirits, excited and nervous to be starting an immense adventure. R & I and her Uni friend J waved her off and wished her good luck. Having been unfortunate, unlucky or careless enough to lose many mobile phones over the years K and E made the decision not to take mobiles phones with them and instead rely on using the ubiquitous internet cafes wherever they stayed. E had just returned from a tour of South America without mishap, by this method – what could possibly go wrong?
During the first few weeks we heard updates via Facebook and Facebook chat; after a month away K logged onto Skype and we could have a real chat. Things had gone well from Bangkok to Cambodia, through Vietnam and into Laos seeing amazing tourist sights and making friends and partying, including a jungle trek.
We spoke every now and again until 14 July 2010 and I didn’t really worry too much as R & I were going on holiday for a week – to Torquay and then London. I took my laptop and was able to send messages whilst we were in Torquay but still no reply so we assumed she was still having a good time… not so.
Then things started to unravel. We arrived home on Friday 23 July but still no news.
Day 1: Monday 26 July
On Monday morning (26 July) I went to visit my mum and when I got back there was a note from R, who was out, to say K had telephoned and said she felt terrible. He advised her to get to a hospital or try to get to Australia. She didn’t want to do that but she rang off without telling R where they were or where they were staying. As they had no mobile phones we then had to sit by a computer to hope they would come onto Facebook again and we could discuss things more. I had added E’s mother as a ‘friend’ on Facebook so I sent her a message asking her if she had heard from them as K was ill. I sent several message to K saying she should get medical help urgently and to get E to call me.
At the time I remember saying to R “I have a bad feeling about this” – how true that was. There was no news from abroad on Tuesday but sleep was very difficult. I sent E a message on Facebook with my worries.
Day Three: Wednesday 28 July
E came onto Facebook at 7am and told me that K had been really poorly but was much improved.
‘K was disappointed that she missed you, i made her come with me to call you because I'm really worried about her too! Although she has been a lot better yesterday and today. She had a fever and a temperature about 6 days ago when we were in Bangkok, so I got her some paracetamol and fever tablets, her temperature came down straight away and she hasn't had a fever since. We've been to the hospital and they seem to think she is ok, but she has slept for almost 6 days solid and every time she gets up she complains of being dizzy. I think the dizzyness is partly because she hasn't eaten anything in 6 days and she doesn't want to drink water because it makes her feel sick. I'm making her as much as I can but she's a bit of a tough cookie sometimes :). No luck with the eating though.
Yesterday I took her to see our friends nearby and watch telly and she got up this morning for the first time in a week. She seems a lot better today and has been joking with me this morning which is really good. I'm going to go and pick her up in a bit and take her to the internet so you can talk to her yourself.’
Later on that morning K then came onto Skype feeling terrible. At that stage she had not eaten or drunk much for seven days and had slept more or less constantly so E had forced her to get to the phone to talk to me. I again stressed that she should eat and drink to overcome the dehydration. She said she had 11 tablets to take daily and she should get to a doctor. She then went off saying she needed to lie down again. E said she would try to get some nutritious food to get her back on her feet.
Once again – crucially, I didn’t ask and they didn’t tell me where they were. In the meantime I was looking on the internet to try to discover what might be wrong with her. I ruled out malaria but came across dengue fever which looked like a possibility. I sent several urgent messages again to both K and E on Facebook.
That afternoon I had an urgent message to call E’s mother in Essex. When I spoke to R she said E had called her in a panic as she couldn’t get K to eat or drink and she felt helpless to do anything else for her. K had apparently lain down in a supermarket and wouldn’t get up. R suggested I should fly out to Thailand and take charge of the situation so I could see for myself how ill K was. This was a fine idea in principle but
a) I didn’t know where they were and b) I would be out of contact for about 10 hours when I could perhaps be more help here.
I immediately rang the Foreign & Commonwealth office and spoke to TW in the Far East section. He was very calm and helpful, although he said they couldn’t do much without knowing where they were. I said that the full moon party was scheduled for Wednesday 28th and they intended to be there for that on the island of Koh Phangan. TW advised me that he would contact the British consul in Bangkok who would be able to offer more assistance; he also gave me telephone numbers of the three medical centres on the island and that there was an honorary consul on the adjacent bigger island of Koh Samui. He also advise me to alert the travel insurance company of a potential claim. I telephoned them straightaway and set up a case file telling them more details would follow.
Whilst I waited by the laptop for either E or K to contact me again I scanned through their facebook pages for clues as to where they were staying and I thought it might be a resort called Coral Bungalows. I telephoned the Coral Bungalows but there was no reply (about 10:30pm Thai time by now). I then contacted the nearest medical centre to Coral Bungalows and spoke to a doctor ‘Samma’ and I explained my worries. He kindly agreed to go to Coral bungalows for me although he did warn me that it was the night of the Full Moon party so wasn’t too hopeful. I called back an hour later and he said the place was closed but he promised to go there again in the morning. I bombarded E’s FB with messages about dengue fever, the doctor from the medical centre and that the embassy said there was a man on Koh Samui who could help. I also told her that I would make arrangements to fly out there as soon as they told me where they were. I also contacted one of their friends, J and he said he would fly out there with me as he had holiday due to him.
Day Four: Thursday 29 July
I stayed up all night by the computer waiting and hoping someone would come on to the computer. At 6am Thursday 29 July MW, the British consul called me from Bangkok telling me that he had called all the medical centres without success; he had spoken to Doctor Samma who had indeed gone back to Coral bungalows but had no luck. MW had also called Coral bungalows and they had never heard of the girls. We needed to find out where they were. I agreed to call him as soon as one of them contacted me.
E came onto FB on Thursday at 6:30 am (UK time) and told me they were staying at Munchies resort and that she would call DC (the honorary consul) for help. She also said ‘K has said that she doesn't want you to come out. And at the moment I think you don't need to..’
DC advised E to make arrangements for K to be taken by speedboat ambulance to Koh Samui, to the Bangkok Samui hospital. I tried to call DC myself but timed the call badly as he was driving. He also said under the data protection act he was not able to speak to me until MW had given him permission.
E told me that there was no need to fly out there and K was having tests and perhaps I should wait for the results of them? Later on she told me that K was on a drip and that she had contacted the insurance company and all cover and treatment was confirmed by them. I was then able to tell Tom and MW where she was and that treatment was in hand.
I had a phone call from E’s dad pressurising me to go out there (understandably to take the pressure off E) and I felt I had to justify my actions by listing how effective I had been from this end as soon as I was aware of the situation and discovered where they were (apparently they had known for a week before we did that the girls had been unwell). I told him I would wait until the results of the tests and then decide but that I would probably make the trip and if necessary try to persuade K to return to the UK to convalesce. D told me that E would be going onto Australia by herself if necessary so someone would need to be with K. This was the added complication to the situation – K and E had flights booked from Kuala Lumpur the following Tuesday to fly to Melbourne.
A couple of hours later K called me from her hospital bed and sounded remarkably well as the drip had miraculously done its magic. She had been told it was dengue fever and they would keep her in a couple of nights. At that point I spoke to E again and asked her how she was feeling and she said she was fine with no symptoms. The insurance company had telephoned me for an update and I was able to tell them what hospital K had been admitted to and then they rang the hospital, spoke to the insurance department there (for medical reports) and to K herself. They told me that once K was discharged she would be fine to continue travelling and if she missed her scheduled flight they would assist her to get a later flight.
Day Five: Friday 30 July
During the night I got up at 1am and phoned the hospital and asked to speak to the doctor – who hadn’t arrived so I spoke to K. She had had more blood taken and was going back to sleep. The hospital advised me to call again in a couple of hours. I got up again at 4am and called again but was told that the doctor had not done his rounds yet and to call again in a couple of hours. I got up again at 6am and called again but the doctor had still not been to see K and I should call again in 2 hours. So I called DC for advice – he told me to ask for the insurance department for information and gave me some names of people he has dealt with. I also spoke to K and she sounded cheerful but tired. E told me she was fine and that she was staying in a really nice apartment just next to the hospital (note again – no name!)
Then an added complication was introduced to the scenario. Whilst K had been on Koh Phangan she had given her bank card to a friend for safe keeping. Then she had ended up in hospital on the next island and the friend had returned to England. This meant that the card had to be stopped and reported lost and that the reserve card had to come into play, with no funds in it.
I sent K a message on Facebook to tell her how to do this. I went round to my friend JP’s house to tell her all my woes.
Day Six: Saturday 31 July
Once I was reassured that K was recovering well she insisted on continuing her journey and it looked likely that she would be discharged in time to make the connecting flights I agreed not to make the trip and told J accordingly. K was given the all clear to leave the hospital but as she had no funds I had to make arrangements to pay the insurance excess and cost of phone calls and they both went back to E’s apartment. As she had left the hospital I was aware they would both be out of direct contact again so I sent a checklist of things K should do.
Day Seven: Sunday 1 August
A quiet day, thinking that all was well so I tried to catch up on some sleep in UK time.
Day Eight: Monday 2 August
I got up on Monday morning hoping to hear some good news and that they were off on the next stage of their travels…. only to be horrified to receive a message from K which said
a) E had dengue fever too but was not going to go to hospital
b) K had borrowed money from her and
c) K had decided to travel on alone, leaving E to ‘sleep’ for a few days
I could not believe what I was reading but by the time I saw this message K had already moved onto the get a bus to Phuket and would be out of contact for at least eight hours. So, bearing in mind that I still had no idea of the name of their apartment on Koh Samui, I contacted the embassy in Bangkok to ask for help again. I also telephoned E’s mum to tell her what had happened and that I couldn’t understand how they (E&K) could agree to this course of action. R told me that she had no more information that I had. I also sent a message to E on Facebook wishing her well.
So, I passed yet another day of waiting and hoping for K to get in touch so that we could get the name of the apartment where E was staying and get help for her. She eventually phoned from a payphone at Phuket airport saying that she didn’t have any money for the flight to Kuala Lumpur as her money had run out there was no time for a prolonged discussion about what was going on I had to get funds credited urgently. I had transferred £1,500 on day six but they hadn’t credited yet. I phoned Nationwide and they said payments of less than £1,000 were credited immediately so I transferred £500 and she was able to book her flight. She stayed overnight in Phuket airport as she was too tired to move on and find accommodation.
E later sent me a message on FB telling me that she didn’t feel as bad as K did
"I delayed my flight by a week because I wanted to make sure that I'd be well enough to get it next time because it cost me 110 pounds to change it and K was ill for about a week and a half. Which is why I might go to Phi Phi if I get better before next week because Ko Samui is horrible :)... but to be honest at the moment all I can manage is apartment to internet and back to bed. :). My rash has got a lot worse today so fingers crossed!"[(meaning that it is the later stage of the illness)]
Day Nine: Tuesday 3 August
R phoned in the morning to say that E had had a nosebleed and that she was going to fly out there to be with her. R asked for all the numbers and contacts that I had made previously.
Later that evening (2:15am Thai time) E appeared on Skype and told me
"hi h_! yeh i'm fine.. just calling mum because she's (unnecessarily) panicking about me :) xx
i'm really ok!"
This was reassuring (but still didn’t tell me the name of where she was staying..) and I sent K a message on FB to tell her. At this point as R was out of contact (being in mid flight) I kept in contact with T at London embassy suggesting places E could be staying at until I could hear from K.
Day Ten: Wednesday 4 August
K eventually landed in Melbourne (1am Australia time) so I didn’t hear from her until 4pm (Aus time – 7am UK time) She said she didn’t know the name of the place they stayed in on Koh Samui but did tell me where she was staying in Melbourne. Then I got a text at 4:30 (UK time) from R telling me she had landed on Koh Samui and was with E, so I was able to tell the consul people.
Days Eleven to Sixteen
On day eleven I was up twice in the night and then went back to bed to be woken at 8am by K telling me she had bought a mobile phone. She is being looked after by two friends she met in Laos and will stay at Nomads for a while. We were in fairly regular contact each day until happily I heard that she and E were reunited.
Reading this back in no way gives the sense of helplessness, desperation and speculation of the worst scenarios that was constantly going on whilst they were out of touch
Monday 26 July was an ordinary day for R & I and we had adjusted to the ‘empty nest’ syndrome following our son moving to London for work and our daughter K setting off on a year long trip abroad. K intended to spend several weeks with a friend, E, travelling around Asia and part of Australia, making new friends and meeting up with old ones friends along the way.
In preparation for her sojourn K had been working very long hours in an office in rural Yorkshire to earn her spending money to sustain her until she settled in Australia, intending to find work there. Consequently planning for her trip was haphazard and she didn’t leave enough time to obtain a travel credit card as a convenient way of topping up funds during the trip. Consequently she decided to take her current account debit card, with another current account card for an HSBC account which, although open, had no funds in it.
On Tuesday 8 June K set off from Manchester Airport in high spirits, excited and nervous to be starting an immense adventure. R & I and her Uni friend J waved her off and wished her good luck. Having been unfortunate, unlucky or careless enough to lose many mobile phones over the years K and E made the decision not to take mobiles phones with them and instead rely on using the ubiquitous internet cafes wherever they stayed. E had just returned from a tour of South America without mishap, by this method – what could possibly go wrong?
During the first few weeks we heard updates via Facebook and Facebook chat; after a month away K logged onto Skype and we could have a real chat. Things had gone well from Bangkok to Cambodia, through Vietnam and into Laos seeing amazing tourist sights and making friends and partying, including a jungle trek.
We spoke every now and again until 14 July 2010 and I didn’t really worry too much as R & I were going on holiday for a week – to Torquay and then London. I took my laptop and was able to send messages whilst we were in Torquay but still no reply so we assumed she was still having a good time… not so.
Then things started to unravel. We arrived home on Friday 23 July but still no news.
Day 1: Monday 26 July
On Monday morning (26 July) I went to visit my mum and when I got back there was a note from R, who was out, to say K had telephoned and said she felt terrible. He advised her to get to a hospital or try to get to Australia. She didn’t want to do that but she rang off without telling R where they were or where they were staying. As they had no mobile phones we then had to sit by a computer to hope they would come onto Facebook again and we could discuss things more. I had added E’s mother as a ‘friend’ on Facebook so I sent her a message asking her if she had heard from them as K was ill. I sent several message to K saying she should get medical help urgently and to get E to call me.
At the time I remember saying to R “I have a bad feeling about this” – how true that was. There was no news from abroad on Tuesday but sleep was very difficult. I sent E a message on Facebook with my worries.
Day Three: Wednesday 28 July
E came onto Facebook at 7am and told me that K had been really poorly but was much improved.
‘K was disappointed that she missed you, i made her come with me to call you because I'm really worried about her too! Although she has been a lot better yesterday and today. She had a fever and a temperature about 6 days ago when we were in Bangkok, so I got her some paracetamol and fever tablets, her temperature came down straight away and she hasn't had a fever since. We've been to the hospital and they seem to think she is ok, but she has slept for almost 6 days solid and every time she gets up she complains of being dizzy. I think the dizzyness is partly because she hasn't eaten anything in 6 days and she doesn't want to drink water because it makes her feel sick. I'm making her as much as I can but she's a bit of a tough cookie sometimes :). No luck with the eating though.
Yesterday I took her to see our friends nearby and watch telly and she got up this morning for the first time in a week. She seems a lot better today and has been joking with me this morning which is really good. I'm going to go and pick her up in a bit and take her to the internet so you can talk to her yourself.’
Later on that morning K then came onto Skype feeling terrible. At that stage she had not eaten or drunk much for seven days and had slept more or less constantly so E had forced her to get to the phone to talk to me. I again stressed that she should eat and drink to overcome the dehydration. She said she had 11 tablets to take daily and she should get to a doctor. She then went off saying she needed to lie down again. E said she would try to get some nutritious food to get her back on her feet.
Once again – crucially, I didn’t ask and they didn’t tell me where they were. In the meantime I was looking on the internet to try to discover what might be wrong with her. I ruled out malaria but came across dengue fever which looked like a possibility. I sent several urgent messages again to both K and E on Facebook.
That afternoon I had an urgent message to call E’s mother in Essex. When I spoke to R she said E had called her in a panic as she couldn’t get K to eat or drink and she felt helpless to do anything else for her. K had apparently lain down in a supermarket and wouldn’t get up. R suggested I should fly out to Thailand and take charge of the situation so I could see for myself how ill K was. This was a fine idea in principle but
a) I didn’t know where they were and b) I would be out of contact for about 10 hours when I could perhaps be more help here.
I immediately rang the Foreign & Commonwealth office and spoke to TW in the Far East section. He was very calm and helpful, although he said they couldn’t do much without knowing where they were. I said that the full moon party was scheduled for Wednesday 28th and they intended to be there for that on the island of Koh Phangan. TW advised me that he would contact the British consul in Bangkok who would be able to offer more assistance; he also gave me telephone numbers of the three medical centres on the island and that there was an honorary consul on the adjacent bigger island of Koh Samui. He also advise me to alert the travel insurance company of a potential claim. I telephoned them straightaway and set up a case file telling them more details would follow.
Whilst I waited by the laptop for either E or K to contact me again I scanned through their facebook pages for clues as to where they were staying and I thought it might be a resort called Coral Bungalows. I telephoned the Coral Bungalows but there was no reply (about 10:30pm Thai time by now). I then contacted the nearest medical centre to Coral Bungalows and spoke to a doctor ‘Samma’ and I explained my worries. He kindly agreed to go to Coral bungalows for me although he did warn me that it was the night of the Full Moon party so wasn’t too hopeful. I called back an hour later and he said the place was closed but he promised to go there again in the morning. I bombarded E’s FB with messages about dengue fever, the doctor from the medical centre and that the embassy said there was a man on Koh Samui who could help. I also told her that I would make arrangements to fly out there as soon as they told me where they were. I also contacted one of their friends, J and he said he would fly out there with me as he had holiday due to him.
Day Four: Thursday 29 July
I stayed up all night by the computer waiting and hoping someone would come on to the computer. At 6am Thursday 29 July MW, the British consul called me from Bangkok telling me that he had called all the medical centres without success; he had spoken to Doctor Samma who had indeed gone back to Coral bungalows but had no luck. MW had also called Coral bungalows and they had never heard of the girls. We needed to find out where they were. I agreed to call him as soon as one of them contacted me.
E came onto FB on Thursday at 6:30 am (UK time) and told me they were staying at Munchies resort and that she would call DC (the honorary consul) for help. She also said ‘K has said that she doesn't want you to come out. And at the moment I think you don't need to..’
DC advised E to make arrangements for K to be taken by speedboat ambulance to Koh Samui, to the Bangkok Samui hospital. I tried to call DC myself but timed the call badly as he was driving. He also said under the data protection act he was not able to speak to me until MW had given him permission.
E told me that there was no need to fly out there and K was having tests and perhaps I should wait for the results of them? Later on she told me that K was on a drip and that she had contacted the insurance company and all cover and treatment was confirmed by them. I was then able to tell Tom and MW where she was and that treatment was in hand.
I had a phone call from E’s dad pressurising me to go out there (understandably to take the pressure off E) and I felt I had to justify my actions by listing how effective I had been from this end as soon as I was aware of the situation and discovered where they were (apparently they had known for a week before we did that the girls had been unwell). I told him I would wait until the results of the tests and then decide but that I would probably make the trip and if necessary try to persuade K to return to the UK to convalesce. D told me that E would be going onto Australia by herself if necessary so someone would need to be with K. This was the added complication to the situation – K and E had flights booked from Kuala Lumpur the following Tuesday to fly to Melbourne.
A couple of hours later K called me from her hospital bed and sounded remarkably well as the drip had miraculously done its magic. She had been told it was dengue fever and they would keep her in a couple of nights. At that point I spoke to E again and asked her how she was feeling and she said she was fine with no symptoms. The insurance company had telephoned me for an update and I was able to tell them what hospital K had been admitted to and then they rang the hospital, spoke to the insurance department there (for medical reports) and to K herself. They told me that once K was discharged she would be fine to continue travelling and if she missed her scheduled flight they would assist her to get a later flight.
Day Five: Friday 30 July
During the night I got up at 1am and phoned the hospital and asked to speak to the doctor – who hadn’t arrived so I spoke to K. She had had more blood taken and was going back to sleep. The hospital advised me to call again in a couple of hours. I got up again at 4am and called again but was told that the doctor had not done his rounds yet and to call again in a couple of hours. I got up again at 6am and called again but the doctor had still not been to see K and I should call again in 2 hours. So I called DC for advice – he told me to ask for the insurance department for information and gave me some names of people he has dealt with. I also spoke to K and she sounded cheerful but tired. E told me she was fine and that she was staying in a really nice apartment just next to the hospital (note again – no name!)
Then an added complication was introduced to the scenario. Whilst K had been on Koh Phangan she had given her bank card to a friend for safe keeping. Then she had ended up in hospital on the next island and the friend had returned to England. This meant that the card had to be stopped and reported lost and that the reserve card had to come into play, with no funds in it.
I sent K a message on Facebook to tell her how to do this. I went round to my friend JP’s house to tell her all my woes.
Day Six: Saturday 31 July
Once I was reassured that K was recovering well she insisted on continuing her journey and it looked likely that she would be discharged in time to make the connecting flights I agreed not to make the trip and told J accordingly. K was given the all clear to leave the hospital but as she had no funds I had to make arrangements to pay the insurance excess and cost of phone calls and they both went back to E’s apartment. As she had left the hospital I was aware they would both be out of direct contact again so I sent a checklist of things K should do.
Day Seven: Sunday 1 August
A quiet day, thinking that all was well so I tried to catch up on some sleep in UK time.
Day Eight: Monday 2 August
I got up on Monday morning hoping to hear some good news and that they were off on the next stage of their travels…. only to be horrified to receive a message from K which said
a) E had dengue fever too but was not going to go to hospital
b) K had borrowed money from her and
c) K had decided to travel on alone, leaving E to ‘sleep’ for a few days
I could not believe what I was reading but by the time I saw this message K had already moved onto the get a bus to Phuket and would be out of contact for at least eight hours. So, bearing in mind that I still had no idea of the name of their apartment on Koh Samui, I contacted the embassy in Bangkok to ask for help again. I also telephoned E’s mum to tell her what had happened and that I couldn’t understand how they (E&K) could agree to this course of action. R told me that she had no more information that I had. I also sent a message to E on Facebook wishing her well.
So, I passed yet another day of waiting and hoping for K to get in touch so that we could get the name of the apartment where E was staying and get help for her. She eventually phoned from a payphone at Phuket airport saying that she didn’t have any money for the flight to Kuala Lumpur as her money had run out there was no time for a prolonged discussion about what was going on I had to get funds credited urgently. I had transferred £1,500 on day six but they hadn’t credited yet. I phoned Nationwide and they said payments of less than £1,000 were credited immediately so I transferred £500 and she was able to book her flight. She stayed overnight in Phuket airport as she was too tired to move on and find accommodation.
E later sent me a message on FB telling me that she didn’t feel as bad as K did
"I delayed my flight by a week because I wanted to make sure that I'd be well enough to get it next time because it cost me 110 pounds to change it and K was ill for about a week and a half. Which is why I might go to Phi Phi if I get better before next week because Ko Samui is horrible :)... but to be honest at the moment all I can manage is apartment to internet and back to bed. :). My rash has got a lot worse today so fingers crossed!"[(meaning that it is the later stage of the illness)]
Day Nine: Tuesday 3 August
R phoned in the morning to say that E had had a nosebleed and that she was going to fly out there to be with her. R asked for all the numbers and contacts that I had made previously.
Later that evening (2:15am Thai time) E appeared on Skype and told me
"hi h_! yeh i'm fine.. just calling mum because she's (unnecessarily) panicking about me :) xx
i'm really ok!"
This was reassuring (but still didn’t tell me the name of where she was staying..) and I sent K a message on FB to tell her. At this point as R was out of contact (being in mid flight) I kept in contact with T at London embassy suggesting places E could be staying at until I could hear from K.
Day Ten: Wednesday 4 August
K eventually landed in Melbourne (1am Australia time) so I didn’t hear from her until 4pm (Aus time – 7am UK time) She said she didn’t know the name of the place they stayed in on Koh Samui but did tell me where she was staying in Melbourne. Then I got a text at 4:30 (UK time) from R telling me she had landed on Koh Samui and was with E, so I was able to tell the consul people.
Days Eleven to Sixteen
On day eleven I was up twice in the night and then went back to bed to be woken at 8am by K telling me she had bought a mobile phone. She is being looked after by two friends she met in Laos and will stay at Nomads for a while. We were in fairly regular contact each day until happily I heard that she and E were reunited.
Reading this back in no way gives the sense of helplessness, desperation and speculation of the worst scenarios that was constantly going on whilst they were out of touch
Tuesday, 9 March 2010
World Cup rules for Women
Today's thought for the Day
World Cup rules for women
LIST OF RULES
1. From 11 June to 11 July 2010, you should read the sport pages so you are aware of what's going on regarding the World Cup and will be able to join in conversations.
If you fail to do this, you'll be looked at in a bad way or be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup the television is mine, mine, mine at all times without any exceptions.
3. I don't mind if you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me.
If you decide to stand naked in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I won't have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute - unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat.
You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor....it won't happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least two six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on.
And please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
6. Please, please, please if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, it's only a game" or "don't worry, they'll win next time".
If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break-up or divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during half-time but only when the adverts are on, and only if the score is pleasing me.
In addition, please note I am saying "one" game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".
8. Most importantly, making love is out of the question during the entire month. It has to be a 'quickie' and that has to be during half-time as well.
9. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.
10. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.
11. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
12. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch?" The reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".
13. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years".
I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, English Premier League, etc.
Thank you for your cooperation.
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